Uh-oh Tiger

I have never liked Tiger Woods. I respect him as a golfer, and I like watching him play. But I also really enjoyed watching golf before he existed.

A few things with this whole fiasco.

-Don't be such a bitch and not talk about what happened. If TMZ is on the case, you are fucked - that's a fact. So you might as well come out and tell your story ASAP. I watch TMZ, and that Fabio looking dude will crack this case.

-When you don't talk, you are assumed guilty, and the public will hate you. Roger Clemens = Satan, Andy Pettitte = no one brings his name up anymore. For Christ's sake, Charles Barkley went through a stop sign, drunk, to pick up a hooker, and no one cares. Barkley apologized and no one gives a crap.

-Is Tiger's wife this naive? He is arguably the most famous person in the world. Not only should she know he bangs chicks all over the globe, she shouldnt' care. I am not saying he should bring chicks home and bang him. But what does she think happens when he goes to Vegas? He only gambles?

Tiger Woods is a huge nerd. He just is not cool. He also reminds me of Ruby from the Real World Hawaii. But Ruby was cooler.

And if you are going to be this much of an amateur with your cheating, you deserve to get caught. It's not like he is having an affair with Megan Fox. The 2 chicks in question here look like low class hookers.

I cannot wait to hear if he denies this voicemail. If this isn't Tiger, then I can dunk a basketball.

Every Poop Begins with P...........

I LOVE Christmas. Not such a big fan of the winter in general, but the really cold stuff doesn't come until January and February.

In my humble opinion, the Xmas season is too short. If we start celebrating the day after Thanksgiving (11/27 this year), then that leaves us only 28 days to enjoy the best time of the year. Seriously - less than a month of listening to Bing Crosby, Brenda Lee, Sinatra, Elvis, and Gene Autry.

In the last few years, I have come to take on a new tradition. And that is waiting for the new Kay Jewelers commercials. I am a very big fan of awful commercials - Olive Garden, ITT Tech, and Just for Men are some of my favorites.

But these do not hold a candle to Kay Jewelers. I just wish Xmas time was longer, so we could see more greatness. Here is this season's most recent gem, as well as some other classics. Enjoy.







And finally, an oldie buy goodie.

2 Weeks from Tonight

The sad thing is, guidos all over Jersey are pumped for this. The entire country, including half of NJ will be watching this with their hands over their faces.

The guido species is almost non-human. I cannot believe they still exist. I blame the high haired skanks that encourage them to keep living.

Shows like this are so unbelievable. But they are so uncomfortable, I want to hide under my couch due to embarrassment.

Jersey Shore - MTV Shows

I really hope Jersey Shore is closer to Guido Beach rather than Laguna Beach.

Verizon Motorola Droid Review

Since a lot of people have asked why I like the Droid, I decided to put together a video review. Much easier than repeating it over and over, and now that I have this phone, I like talking to people less than I did before.

I hope you enjoy it.

Like Gang Busters

OK, so I really don't like using phrases or sayings unless I know their origin.

For example, when someone says "No comments from the peanut gallery." I am willing to wager that 1/2 the people that say this, have no idea its meaning. Actually it could be more than this. Maybe even 69%?

I am a big fan of wikipedia, and I use it to settle many arguments. The peanut gallery was the section where the kids sat on the Howdy Doody Show. But its true origin is:

A peanut gallery is an audience that heckles the performer. The term originated in the days of vaudeville as a nickname for the cheapest (and ostensibly rowdiest) seats in the theater; the cheapest snack served at the theater would often be peanuts, which the patrons would sometimes throw at the performers on stage to show their disapproval. The phrases "no comments from the peanut gallery" or "quiet in the peanut gallery" are extensions of the name.

I wasn't familiar with the term (fill in the blank)-gate until my brother filled me in on it. Now I think I hear it every single frigen night. Especially when watching my wife's gossip shows from 7-8pm (what happened to you Mario Lopez? You used to say things like "oink oink big Mama". Now all you do is kiss celebrity ass for 30 minutes. Douche).

Anyway, as usual, I got way off subject again. My original point to this post was to show everyone the beginning scene to Gang Busters. Why? My wife and I were watching Flash Forward the other night, and the dude on the plane answered the lawyer skank with "Like Gang Busters."

If you didn't know, Gang Busters was a radio show in the 30's, then a TV show in the 50's. It was a bad ass cops and robbers show. The term "Like Gang Busters" refers to the beginning of the program, which had whistles blowing, sirens whaling, guns firing, monkeys farting........you get the picture.

Now I knew what the term kinda meant, but I wanted to see it with my own eyes.........so I too can be cool with my answers, when sitting next to hot, skanky lawyers on planes.

Or when asked these questions:

"So Candogg, how did you bowl this weekened?"
"Hey Ry-guy, how were your moves on the dance floor at that wedding?"
"Hey awesome dude Canney, how was your last "dancing in the sheets" party with Kari?"

Like Fucken Gang Busters

He's Got a Forehead Like a Drive-in Movie Theatre

I saw this movie in the theatre the week it came out. I don't know what made Cav and I go see it right away - I didn't see Dumb and Dumber until several years later. Maybe it was the commercials? Maybe it was because I was young and foolish and didn't think Cameron Diaz looked like a gremlin back then?

Everyone will always remember Ben Stiller getting his dork stuck in his zipper. I couldn't believe what I was seeing at the time.

But the best scene in my opinion (IMO for cool peeps), is this one.

The Mountain Men's Three Wolf Moon Short Sleeve Tee

This fabulous piece of clothing was sent my way several months ago. Yeah - this t-shirt is obviously extremely bad ass, and would be perfect to sport at any Great Woods concert.

But the real prize here is the Customer Reviews. There are 1,467 of them. For a t-shirt. That has 3 wolves on it. And this type of comedy is right up my alley.

This is one of the many reasons why I love this country. Not only did 1467 people take a crack at being funny, but on some reviews up to 14,643 people actually decided to vote and let me know "this review was helpful." So now I am able to read the funniest ones first, and you are too.

http://www.amazon.com/Mountain-Mens-Three-Short-Sleeve/product-reviews/B002HJ377A/ref=dp_top_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1

Finally, this cracked me up the most. Under the "Customers Who Viewed This Item Also Viewed", there were 4 other Wolf shirts, a pair of Zubaz pants.............and a gallon of whole milk.