Uh-oh Tiger

I have never liked Tiger Woods. I respect him as a golfer, and I like watching him play. But I also really enjoyed watching golf before he existed.

A few things with this whole fiasco.

-Don't be such a bitch and not talk about what happened. If TMZ is on the case, you are fucked - that's a fact. So you might as well come out and tell your story ASAP. I watch TMZ, and that Fabio looking dude will crack this case.

-When you don't talk, you are assumed guilty, and the public will hate you. Roger Clemens = Satan, Andy Pettitte = no one brings his name up anymore. For Christ's sake, Charles Barkley went through a stop sign, drunk, to pick up a hooker, and no one cares. Barkley apologized and no one gives a crap.

-Is Tiger's wife this naive? He is arguably the most famous person in the world. Not only should she know he bangs chicks all over the globe, she shouldnt' care. I am not saying he should bring chicks home and bang him. But what does she think happens when he goes to Vegas? He only gambles?

Tiger Woods is a huge nerd. He just is not cool. He also reminds me of Ruby from the Real World Hawaii. But Ruby was cooler.

And if you are going to be this much of an amateur with your cheating, you deserve to get caught. It's not like he is having an affair with Megan Fox. The 2 chicks in question here look like low class hookers.

I cannot wait to hear if he denies this voicemail. If this isn't Tiger, then I can dunk a basketball.

Every Poop Begins with P...........

I LOVE Christmas. Not such a big fan of the winter in general, but the really cold stuff doesn't come until January and February.

In my humble opinion, the Xmas season is too short. If we start celebrating the day after Thanksgiving (11/27 this year), then that leaves us only 28 days to enjoy the best time of the year. Seriously - less than a month of listening to Bing Crosby, Brenda Lee, Sinatra, Elvis, and Gene Autry.

In the last few years, I have come to take on a new tradition. And that is waiting for the new Kay Jewelers commercials. I am a very big fan of awful commercials - Olive Garden, ITT Tech, and Just for Men are some of my favorites.

But these do not hold a candle to Kay Jewelers. I just wish Xmas time was longer, so we could see more greatness. Here is this season's most recent gem, as well as some other classics. Enjoy.







And finally, an oldie buy goodie.

2 Weeks from Tonight

The sad thing is, guidos all over Jersey are pumped for this. The entire country, including half of NJ will be watching this with their hands over their faces.

The guido species is almost non-human. I cannot believe they still exist. I blame the high haired skanks that encourage them to keep living.

Shows like this are so unbelievable. But they are so uncomfortable, I want to hide under my couch due to embarrassment.

Jersey Shore - MTV Shows

I really hope Jersey Shore is closer to Guido Beach rather than Laguna Beach.

Verizon Motorola Droid Review

Since a lot of people have asked why I like the Droid, I decided to put together a video review. Much easier than repeating it over and over, and now that I have this phone, I like talking to people less than I did before.

I hope you enjoy it.

Like Gang Busters

OK, so I really don't like using phrases or sayings unless I know their origin.

For example, when someone says "No comments from the peanut gallery." I am willing to wager that 1/2 the people that say this, have no idea its meaning. Actually it could be more than this. Maybe even 69%?

I am a big fan of wikipedia, and I use it to settle many arguments. The peanut gallery was the section where the kids sat on the Howdy Doody Show. But its true origin is:

A peanut gallery is an audience that heckles the performer. The term originated in the days of vaudeville as a nickname for the cheapest (and ostensibly rowdiest) seats in the theater; the cheapest snack served at the theater would often be peanuts, which the patrons would sometimes throw at the performers on stage to show their disapproval. The phrases "no comments from the peanut gallery" or "quiet in the peanut gallery" are extensions of the name.

I wasn't familiar with the term (fill in the blank)-gate until my brother filled me in on it. Now I think I hear it every single frigen night. Especially when watching my wife's gossip shows from 7-8pm (what happened to you Mario Lopez? You used to say things like "oink oink big Mama". Now all you do is kiss celebrity ass for 30 minutes. Douche).

Anyway, as usual, I got way off subject again. My original point to this post was to show everyone the beginning scene to Gang Busters. Why? My wife and I were watching Flash Forward the other night, and the dude on the plane answered the lawyer skank with "Like Gang Busters."

If you didn't know, Gang Busters was a radio show in the 30's, then a TV show in the 50's. It was a bad ass cops and robbers show. The term "Like Gang Busters" refers to the beginning of the program, which had whistles blowing, sirens whaling, guns firing, monkeys farting........you get the picture.

Now I knew what the term kinda meant, but I wanted to see it with my own eyes.........so I too can be cool with my answers, when sitting next to hot, skanky lawyers on planes.

Or when asked these questions:

"So Candogg, how did you bowl this weekened?"
"Hey Ry-guy, how were your moves on the dance floor at that wedding?"
"Hey awesome dude Canney, how was your last "dancing in the sheets" party with Kari?"

Like Fucken Gang Busters

He's Got a Forehead Like a Drive-in Movie Theatre

I saw this movie in the theatre the week it came out. I don't know what made Cav and I go see it right away - I didn't see Dumb and Dumber until several years later. Maybe it was the commercials? Maybe it was because I was young and foolish and didn't think Cameron Diaz looked like a gremlin back then?

Everyone will always remember Ben Stiller getting his dork stuck in his zipper. I couldn't believe what I was seeing at the time.

But the best scene in my opinion (IMO for cool peeps), is this one.

The Mountain Men's Three Wolf Moon Short Sleeve Tee

This fabulous piece of clothing was sent my way several months ago. Yeah - this t-shirt is obviously extremely bad ass, and would be perfect to sport at any Great Woods concert.

But the real prize here is the Customer Reviews. There are 1,467 of them. For a t-shirt. That has 3 wolves on it. And this type of comedy is right up my alley.

This is one of the many reasons why I love this country. Not only did 1467 people take a crack at being funny, but on some reviews up to 14,643 people actually decided to vote and let me know "this review was helpful." So now I am able to read the funniest ones first, and you are too.

http://www.amazon.com/Mountain-Mens-Three-Short-Sleeve/product-reviews/B002HJ377A/ref=dp_top_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1

Finally, this cracked me up the most. Under the "Customers Who Viewed This Item Also Viewed", there were 4 other Wolf shirts, a pair of Zubaz pants.............and a gallon of whole milk.

Kanye the Douche

I hated Kanye way before his most recent outburst at the VMAs. He is a whiny imbecile. Someone needs to give this dumbass a beating - on camera.

It's just too bad it was Taylor Swift when this donkey went on stage. Why couldn't it be Pink or some other tough guy? Oh wait, Pink is a chick? Anyway, it just happened to be an 18 year old awkward virgin, who then went backstage and cried.

Why is this jackass still allowed at televised events? He did the same thing at the Europe VMAs a few years back, and who can forget the line "George Bush hates black people." I think he drinks a lot, which I cannot fault him for. If I got paid millions for shitty music, I would never be sober and probably say much more stupid shit.

One of the things I do not get though - how did Taylor Swift win Best Female Video category OVER Beyonce, but then Beyonce wins Best Video of the Year?

I just watched both videos, and they both suck. But Swift's is even worse, and rips off about 200 other videos. Oh wow - the nerdy chick was actually hot underneath those glasses??????? Jesus.

Jumping the Shark

I think most people have heard this saying before. Hopefully they know where it came from as well. I loved watching Happy Days reruns as a kid, but I honestly have never seen this clip until right now............and it is even more awesome than I could have imagined. I mean - the Fonz wearing his leather jacket while water skiing? Is there anyting more fucken awesome than this?

Also - what was it called before "jumping the shark"? Because after this happened, people must gone ape shit with laughter and then accepting that this show was dead.

By the way - Joanie looks pretty hot in her suit.

Whenever I need a good laugh.....

I head over to my Favorites in my Youtube account.

"Get me to do it for you. Best party ever."

Successful Weekend

There are 2 types of people in this world - those that are completely obsessed with fantasy sports, and those that think we are crazy.

I am in 3 fantasy baseball leagues. The playoffs start today in the league I care the most about, which is my brother James' league. I believe this is the 6th season, and we probably will do it forever. I just don't see myself ever saying "Nah, I am too old for this." Yeah right - I guess I will probably stop laughing at farts too someday?

I also had 2 fantasy football drafts this weekend. Let's break down my 2 teams.

First team was for the Brewster NY league. We have been doing this league since 2004. I picked 8th out of 12. Your starting roster is QB, 2 RB, 2 WR, Flex, TE, K, DEF.

I picked Deangelo Williams at 8, which I think is a pretty good bargain. On the way back I went with Calvin Johnson. Larry Fitz, Moss, and Andre Johnson were all off the board, and I really wanted a top 5 WR.

On the way back I was trying to decide between Ryan Grant and Pierre Thomas. I would be happy with either one, but I felt Grant is healthier now, and has something to prove. On the way back Thomas was still there, so I had to take him. Anytime you are debating on 2 guys and one comes back to you, it's a gift in my opinion.

At this point is was time for a QB. I had been targeting Schaub or Matt Ryan, but both got nabbed. Cutler was still available, and looking back I probably should have taken him, but I went with Ray Rice. This gives me 4 RBs and you can only start 3, but it can't hurt with injuries already.

I ended up with Palmer as my QB. If he stays healthy, my team looks really solid. Berrian is my other WR. Cooley is my TE, DEF is the Titans. I also have Percy Harvin and Avery on my bench. There has been a lot of interest in Rice already, but I may hold onto him and see how the first few weeks play out.

So the second draft was last night, and this was for the league I run. We have 14 teams, so it is a little harder to draft. But we have the lineup as QB, RB, WR, 2 Flex, TE, K, DEF. Since we have more teams in this league, we give the flexibility of starting 2 Flex players.

I again picked 8th - this time I landed Steven Jackson and was very happy he fell to me. Some "experts" have him as high as 4th. On the way back I got Reggie Wayne, then Ronnie Brown (tough call between him and Mcfadden), then I got Schaub in the 4th.

My next pick is my best pick I think - Braylon Edwards. He is the #1 option by far in Cleveland. Kellen Winslow was traded, Donte Stallorth pulled a Ted Kennedy, Jamal Lewis is old, etc, etc. After seeing highlights of Edwards from Saturday night, I was sold.

I filled out my roster with Zack Miller at TE and the Cowboys D. Gives me something to root for on Thanksgiving. On my bench is Dereck Ward who could do very well this year, and Ahmad Bradshaw who will do well for the Giants. I also got Cotchery who isn't bad.

For a 14 team league, I like this team a lot. My team sucked out loud last year, so I need to redeem myself this year.

I am very grateful that I got a bye in my baseball league. I have 2 more drafts this week and need to finish out my other 2 baseball leagues strong.



That is all I have for now. I will give an update on how the baseball playoffs finish out.

The Best Time of the Year

Why is it the best time of the year? Summer is winding down, work is slow, nothing really going on major in my life.

It is because of Fantasy Sports.

I am in 3 Fantasy Baseball leagues, and 4 Football leagues. I hopefully will be making the playoffs in all 3 baseball leagues. If this happens, then my September will be filled with multiple Football drafts, and multiple playoff matchups.

Other things that bring me to my bliss are preseason football, and knowing the NFL starts 3 weeks from tomorrow. Add in that the Red Sox will be fighting for the Wild Card for the next 40 days, and I am pretty much at sports overload.

Almost every guy I know plays Fantasy Football. It's easier, less positions, games are only on Sundays, Mondays, and then eventually Thursdays. It is a lot of fun and a great way to talk trash.

Fantasy Baseball is for the real addicts. It is every day. It is checking RotoWorld 40-50 times per day (maybe 70-80 for August).

My first Football draft is August 30th. And Fantasy Baseball playoffs begin August 31st.

I am so excited, I am losing sleep.

K!

I will be the first to admit, that I fly off the handle very easily. I get grumpy and act like a toddler. It's usually when I am tired or hungover, or both.

My wife gets to see it daily, especially when we watch TV. I have a comment for everything - mostly very mean things that I would never repeat in front of people I didn't know.

One thing that really gets under my skin is the usage of "K" to replace "OK". Now, I "get" why people use LOL, or BRB, or :-). I understand that when something is funny, people want to put LOL instead of "gee Ryan, that was pretty darn funny!" But how many times are people actually laughing when they put it? I think a more appropriate term would be SOL = smiling out loud. 9 times out of 10 you are just smiling, because it is pretty frigen weird if you are laughing all those times.

OK (pun intended), back to my main point. Who started K? When did we become this lazy that we shorten a 2 letter term to 1 letter? And can it also be argued that OK stems from Okay? I think we all know where this is headed. Pretty soon the K is going to be replaced with a k..............then someday replaced by nothing? A half of a k?

I hate the K, unless it is when my fantasy stud pitcher Tim Lincecum is throwing. Then I love me 10 Ks that day.

I love my Ipod

My Ipod Nano with 8GB was stolen. It was my first Ipod I owned, and I had won it while workiing at Monster.com. I thought having 2000 songs was a lot.

So since some junkie in Southie has probably traded that Ipod in for some black tar heroin, I decided to get a new one. Well, "refurbished", which I am a big fan of. I got the Ipod Classic with 120GB. It holds up to 30,000 songs, and I think I can get there, with a little help from The Pirate Bay and Bearshare. It is really nice to be able to download every album by Pearl Jam, Gun N Roses, and Michael Jackson. I now am up to 6500 songs and climbing.

I have a very random taste in music - on the way in I had it on shuffle and heard The Doors, Taylor Swift, Sublime, Beastie Boys, 311, Air Supply, and then the King of Pop. I hadnt heard this tune in a while, but it is great. And then got me thinking how many good songs MJ has - everyone knows Thriller - but what about Black or White, Bad, The Way You Make Me Feel, Man in the Mirror, etc.

So I came into work and watched the video - and forgot Eddie Murphy is in it too.

She wants me

http://www.idolstartv.com/media.html?task=videodirectlink&id=1877

I didn't know Steve Martin had an album until American Idol told me. I actually didn't think Steve Martin had done anything since Planes, Trains, and Automobiles.

This tune is awesome. Dolly Parton and Vince Gill sing the original, but I actually think this is better. Why? Well I know Dolly Parton has huge boobs and all, and I have known this since I was 4. But Megan Joy brings joy to me - and by me, I mean in my pants.

Seriously though, Megan Joy has an unusual singing voice/style. But this songs seems made for her. And she looks very sexy singing it.

Next time I should get up there instead of this dump. I wouldn't sing though. Maybe just grind Megan, or something cool.

Friken Hilarious

I cannot get enough of this video. I was told that this dude was tripping his face off and his friends recorded it. Then they made an animated video about what he was discussing on his trip...........which is complete and utter gibberish.

NO WAY!

Does anyone like working?

I have it easy at my current job. My boss is cool and laid back. It is just him and I in a shared office space in Marlborough. He never tells me to work harder or gives me shit.

But does anyone besides pro athletes and entertainers like their jobs? I think about hitting the lottery every singe day, and where I would go tomorrow if I did.

Oh and here is an "FYI" - it is raining and cloudy out, and has been all week. And every single FUCKEN person on Facebook likes to make this their status.

Another "FYI", when I put things in quotes like this, it is because I think doing it is stupid. For your information? Can't I just type something for you to read? That is for your information too right?

I love getting an email "FYI" and that is it. Really? This for MY INFORMATION??? I would have never known that by you simply sending this important file. Thanks for pointing it out with a nice FYI dick!

This all made me laugh, and by blogging I think my stress/anxiety levels will go down. Reminder - if you do not like to laugh, we cannot be friends.

Oldie of Mia

Day 3 of the new Ryan

After several doctor visits to my primary physician and a GI, I have decided to change my diet completely, and also start working out again.

Kari made a great chicken sandwich with avocado and red peppers last night. My brother James was over and even he liked it since he doesn't always go for the organic hippie stuff we sometimes eat.

My goal is to get down to 165 lbs. I just tipped the scales at 178 this week, which is an all time high. This should be easy since I completely quit smoking last November (cigarettes).

First Cool Blog

So this is blogging huh?


I guess I need a break from working and checking fantasy baseball. This is just what the doctor ordered.